I went to the zoo today.

There was only one animal. It was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good locat...

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-LB potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this...

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those ...

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news. Client: Well, give me the bad news first. Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene. Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news? Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down ...

Gary, you really hit the jackpot with that one!

*****

My mother is sixty, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. She won't tell me who.

This is another one that seems familiar. I'm glad you guys have short memories! ***** An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your daughter to work Day'. As they walked around the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathe...

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Mike's obituary to read. Donna asked the undertaker, "How much does an obituary cost?" The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word." Donna then said, "...

This one seems familiar. Maybe it's been posted before. ***** Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away. “Logan, wait until we say our prayer,” his mother reminded him. “I don’t have to,” the little boy repli...

Gary, both of those are classics! ***** A tourist in Florida was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyste...

So I walked into a this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said, "So, are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them said, "Wales, Idiot!" So I said, "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two whales from Scotland?" That's the last thing I reme...

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him, and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill, and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact beat ...

Sounds great!

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

Wade at Shoebox is offering 30% off sitewide. (My email does not mention an expiration date.)

Code: GiveMe30

He also has a Father's Day special for $70.00.

www.ShoeboxShaveClub.com

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits...

It's been a while since I've seen one worth posting. ***** A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to R...

Walmart is having a sale.

Lodge 5-Piece Seasoned & Enameled Cast Iron Cookware Set - $59.74
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lodge-5-Piec ... /618435236

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Conway's Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. Law of Drunkenness: You can...

fallingwickets wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:06 am

We need more jokes!

17 thumbs up to that idea. who can we ask to start a joke thread?????????

clive

Thanks, Clive!