Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits...

It's been a while since I've seen one worth posting. ***** A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to R...

Walmart is having a sale.

Lodge 5-Piece Seasoned & Enameled Cast Iron Cookware Set - $59.74
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lodge-5-Piec ... /618435236

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Conway's Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. Law of Drunkenness: You can...

fallingwickets wrote: ↑

Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:06 am

We need more jokes!

17 thumbs up to that idea. who can we ask to start a joke thread?????????

clive

Thanks, Clive!

It was dinner time on a British Airways flight from London to New York. As the flight attendant moved down the aisle, she asked one of the passengers:
- “Would you like dinner?”

- “What are my choices?” asked the passenger.

- “Yes or No,” replied the attendant.

I've never understood why women love cats.

Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

We need more jokes!

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the heck the weather was going t...

Jennifer watched as the cashier rang up her purchases. "Cash, check or charge?" she asked, after folding the items Jennifer had bought. As Jennifer fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?" the cashi...

I saw a truck today. The side of its door said, Driver has no cash.

I'm broke too, but I don't plaster it all over the side of my car.

Gary, that's your best joke ever! ***** A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them: "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious li...

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat,...

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop. "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it." The juggler gets out and starts juggling t...

I'll have to remember that for the future!

Gary, remember your bottle of Cool Water from years ago? I finally finished it! ***** A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill. "I'm shocked!" she complained. "This is three times what you normally charge." "Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you yelled so loud, you scared away two...

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How ...

RIP Gary! I was surprised and saddened to learn of his death.

Clive, with the enamel on the interior as well, does that mean you wash it with soap and water like you would any other pot?

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for ...