Search found 3062 matches

by GA Russell
Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:03 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child. "Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.' "But think about that for a second....
by GA Russell
Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:17 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

Happy Spring! This is apparently an English joke. ***** These laws are not scientifically proven, not theoretically reasonable and not professionally endorsed, but they are irrefutably true. O'brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one y...
by GA Russell
Tue Mar 10, 2020 1:11 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

Some of these make my head hurt! ***** How did a fool and his money get together? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If it's to...
by GA Russell
Wed Mar 04, 2020 1:12 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

A diner at a country inn is shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in syrup." He summons a waiter to complain.

The waiter looks at the menu. Then he flings it down and yells to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!"
by GA Russell
Mon Mar 02, 2020 9:59 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

Fact of Life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
by GA Russell
Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:00 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn ...
by GA Russell
Thu Feb 27, 2020 1:24 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

The room was full of pregnant women and their husbands, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is...
by GA Russell
Tue Feb 11, 2020 2:50 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?"

"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"
by GA Russell
Sun Feb 02, 2020 6:38 pm
Forum: Shaving Creams & Hard Soaps
Topic: I made this soap
Replies: 36
Views: 7239

Re: I made this soap

Gary, after 5+ years, are the scents of your soaps holding on?
by GA Russell
Thu Jan 30, 2020 10:51 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

LOL Murray and Brian!

*****

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
by GA Russell
Wed Jan 22, 2020 12:23 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

This may have been posted before. ***** A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly Gates waiting for them. 'Come with me,' said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could im...
by GA Russell
Thu Jan 02, 2020 11:48 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Autumn days and ex-wives
Replies: 47
Views: 7773

Re:

Squire, October 8 (1956) was a big day for my parents as well. As an early anniversary present, my dad bought my mom tickets to see Rex Harrison and Julie Andrews on Broadway in My Fair Lady. That was a very big deal to my mother. We lived in Boston at the time, and they spent the day driving down ...
by GA Russell
Sat Dec 28, 2019 12:03 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

I hope everyone enjoyed his Christmas!

*****

Basically, my wife was immature. I'd be home in the bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats.
by GA Russell
Sat Dec 21, 2019 9:35 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

Puns are always welcome, John!

Here's an oldie some here may remember.

*****

What did Lawrence Welk name his twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two.
by GA Russell
Thu Dec 12, 2019 3:14 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

I have kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it.
by GA Russell
Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:39 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.
by GA Russell
Sun Dec 01, 2019 11:54 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: What are you reading?
Replies: 1194
Views: 140200

Re: What are you reading?

by GA Russell
Sun Dec 01, 2019 11:51 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

I hope everyone enjoyed his Thanksgiving! ***** Richard, a village doctor, was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will. When he ...
by GA Russell
Tue Nov 26, 2019 11:12 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

Two prison inmates were standing in the cafeteria line getting lunch.

One inmate said to the other, "When I was governor, the food was much better!"
by GA Russell
Mon Nov 25, 2019 2:38 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 730
Views: 86408

Re: Joke of the Day

A man is talking to the family doctor. “Doc, I think my wife’s going deaf.” The doctor answers, “Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing. Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question. If she doesn’t answer, move a little closer and ask again. Keep repeating this unt...