Search found 3025 matches

by GA Russell
Fri Aug 16, 2019 8:35 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

I went to the zoo today.

There was only one animal. It was a dog. It was a shih tzu.
by GA Russell
Tue Aug 13, 2019 5:42 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

A single guy decides life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good locat...
by GA Russell
Mon Jul 29, 2019 9:54 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-LB potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you'll find that you can hold this...
by GA Russell
Mon Jul 29, 2019 3:09 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, “Johnny, those ...
by GA Russell
Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:52 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news. Client: Well, give me the bad news first. Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene. Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news? Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down ...
by GA Russell
Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:58 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Gary, you really hit the jackpot with that one!

*****

My mother is sixty, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. She won't tell me who.
by GA Russell
Wed Jul 03, 2019 12:34 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

This is another one that seems familiar. I'm glad you guys have short memories! ***** An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your daughter to work Day'. As they walked around the office she started crying and getting cranky. Her father asked what was wrong. As the staff gathe...
by GA Russell
Thu Jun 27, 2019 10:51 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Donna's husband Mike died suddenly one day. Donna was taking care of the funeral arrangements with the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Mike's obituary to read. Donna asked the undertaker, "How much does an obituary cost?" The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word." Donna then said, "...
by GA Russell
Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:46 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

This one seems familiar. Maybe it's been posted before. ***** Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away. “Logan, wait until we say our prayer,” his mother reminded him. “I don’t have to,” the little boy repli...
by GA Russell
Sat Jun 22, 2019 12:07 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Gary, both of those are classics! ***** A tourist in Florida was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Anybody can open an oyste...
by GA Russell
Fri Jun 14, 2019 6:53 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

So I walked into a this bar and heard two girls speaking in what sounded like a lovely Scottish accent. I said, "So, are you two girls from Scotland?" One of them said, "Wales, Idiot!" So I said, "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that. So, are you two whales from Scotland?" That's the last thing I reme...
by GA Russell
Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:31 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him, and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill, and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact beat ...
by GA Russell
Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:47 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.

"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
by GA Russell
Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:44 pm
Forum: Shopping
Topic: ShoeboxShaveClub
Replies: 3
Views: 617

Re: ShoeboxShaveClub

Wade at Shoebox is offering 30% off sitewide. (My email does not mention an expiration date.)

Code: GiveMe30

He also has a Father's Day special for $70.00.

www.ShoeboxShaveClub.com
by GA Russell
Fri May 24, 2019 8:06 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits...
by GA Russell
Sun May 19, 2019 6:50 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

It's been a while since I've seen one worth posting. ***** A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to R...
by GA Russell
Fri Apr 19, 2019 4:49 pm
Forum: Cooking & Recipes
Topic: pots and pans
Replies: 26
Views: 4186

Re: pots and pans

Walmart is having a sale.

Lodge 5-Piece Seasoned & Enameled Cast Iron Cookware Set - $59.74
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Lodge-5-Piec ... /618435236
by GA Russell
Mon Apr 15, 2019 7:44 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 660
Views: 74858

Re: Joke of the Day

Weiler's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Conway's Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. Law of Drunkenness: You can...
by GA Russell
Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:15 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Is SMF losing its vigour?
Replies: 137
Views: 27494

Re: Is SMF losing its vigour?

fallingwickets wrote:
Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:06 am
We need more jokes!
17 thumbs up to that idea. who can we ask to start a joke thread????????? :D :D :D

clive
Thanks, Clive!