An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said, 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?" Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Ye...

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pedia...

I notice that my join date was April 12, 2008. Ten years has gone by fast! A noteworthy milestone to be sure, Russ. Congratulations! - Murray Thanks Murray! ***** A widow visited a spiritualistic medium, who satisfactorily produced the deceased husband for a domestic chat. "Dear John," the widow qu...

I notice that my join date was April 12, 2008. Ten years has gone by fast!

This man goes to confession and says, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins, and the man replies that he used the “F-word” over the weekend. The priest says, “Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.” The man replies tha...

Today I opened a new email account. I always use the same password: “cabbage”. It’s easy to remember. But it seems the computer had other plans… Please enter your new password: “cabbage” Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. “boiled cabbage” Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical...

The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to tell me the good news. I was being promoted to Vice President of Corporate Research and Planning. Of course, I was excited, but that didn't stop me from asking for my new title to be changed to Vice President of Corporate Planning...

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”

Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources. 'When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.' - U.S. Marine Corps 'Aim towards the enemy.' - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher 'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal 'A slipping gear could let your m...

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor fe...

Hi, Fred, this is Alan next door. I have a confession to make. I have been riddled with guilt these past few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face, but I am at least telling you in a text as I cannot live with myself a moment longer without you knowing. The truth...

I have saved up a bunch, and I am going to try to post one each evening during the week, so that everyone gets a good chuckle to start his day the next morning. ***** This guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was roiling and no car went...

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. Little Johnny thought to himself that there was quite a large number of horses at this zoo. He wondered where all the other animals were, but was still happy to s...

Thoughts To Ponder They make bullet proof vests, why not bullet proof pants? Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny? How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning? Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: not available in all states. What? Is it really possible to ...

A man visits a friend recovering from flu, who says it's been a happy and wonderful experience. "How so?" "I've found out how much my wife loves me. She's been so pleased to have me home." "How do you know?" "Well, every time the mailman, the milkman or the garbage man comes by, she runs out shoutin...

A man climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai and gets close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.” The man then asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A penny.” Then he asks,”Can I have...

Thanks, guys! You've taught me something.

I have had lots of questions about pots and pans accumulate over the years, and I bet some of you cooking mavens know the answers. Why are we seeing so much copper in the stores now? Has something about copper items improved? Why is Calpholon special? Is there a better non-stick surface than teflon?...

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ends midnight tonight

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow? Why does your nose run, and your feet smell? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? What happens if you get scared half to d...