Search found 3079 matches

by GA Russell
Sat Feb 23, 2019 1:19 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Murray, I think the joke is funnier the Salazar way! I may have posted this one before. ***** A little boy was sitting outside a store eating one Snickers candy bar after another, when an older man walked up and said: "You shouldn't be eating so much candy. It'll rot your teeth. It's just bad for yo...
by GA Russell
Thu Feb 21, 2019 9:48 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"

"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.

To this his friend responds, "Strange ambition to have for a career."

"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
by GA Russell
Thu Feb 21, 2019 12:50 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Murray, I remember Salazar. Was the Portuguese joke that the letter was written to him? ***** Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there ar...
by GA Russell
Wed Feb 20, 2019 11:22 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

A married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished, they fell asleep, not waking until 8 o'clock that night. They got dressed q...
by GA Russell
Tue Feb 19, 2019 6:44 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

A letter written in a childish scrawl came to the post office addressed to "God". A postal employee, not knowing exactly what to do with the letter, opened it and read: "Dear God, my name is Jimmy. I am 6 years old. My father is dead, and my Mom is having a hard time raising me and my sister. Would ...
by GA Russell
Mon Feb 18, 2019 1:44 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

I wouldn't know, Murray. I was a little angel!!! ***** Points to Ponder 1. Can you cry under water? 2. Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 3. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 4. Why is it that people say they "slep...
by GA Russell
Sun Feb 17, 2019 11:47 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Thanks! I'll read that tonight. ***** Thoughts To Ponder How do "please keep off the grass" signs get there? Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off? If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule? They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every...
by GA Russell
Sat Feb 16, 2019 8:49 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

LOL, Gary! ***** At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?” The little boy nodded in the affirmative. “Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play t...
by GA Russell
Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:00 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

I remember seeing Tony Randall discuss this concept with David Letterman. He said that for every famous shibboleth there is another one that says the opposite. ***** Actions speak louder than words. vs The pen is mightier than the sword. Look before you leap. vs He who hesitates is lost. Many hands ...
by GA Russell
Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:14 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Thanks very much, guys!

*****

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

"I'm the one you want," the man replied. "At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
by GA Russell
Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:59 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. ...
by GA Russell
Fri Nov 30, 2018 6:48 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Hi guys! A buddy of mine has been on his deathbed, and I've been sending my jokes to him. Now that he's gone, I'll plan to park here again. Have I missed anything? You can PM me, LOL!! ***** One day, finding a wasp had entered the house, a wife shouted to her husband, "There's a wasp in here. Do we ...
by GA Russell
Wed Jun 20, 2018 3:37 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

An angry wife to her husband on phone: "Where the hell are you?" Husband: "Darling, you remember that jewelery shop where you saw the diamond necklace and totally fell in love with it, and I didn't have money that time, and I said, 'Baby it'll be yours one day'?" Wife, with a smile and blushing: "Ye...
by GA Russell
Tue Jun 12, 2018 3:56 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pedia...
by GA Russell
Sun Jun 10, 2018 7:50 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

I notice that my join date was April 12, 2008. Ten years has gone by fast! A noteworthy milestone to be sure, Russ. Congratulations! - Murray Thanks Murray! ***** A widow visited a spiritualistic medium, who satisfactorily produced the deceased husband for a domestic chat. "Dear John," the widow qu...
by GA Russell
Fri May 11, 2018 9:35 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

I notice that my join date was April 12, 2008. Ten years has gone by fast!
by GA Russell
Fri May 11, 2018 9:29 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

This man goes to confession and says, “Forgive me father for I have sinned.” The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins, and the man replies that he used the “F-word” over the weekend. The priest says, “Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language.” The man replies tha...
by GA Russell
Fri Apr 27, 2018 11:49 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

Today I opened a new email account. I always use the same password: “cabbage”. It’s easy to remember. But it seems the computer had other plans… Please enter your new password: “cabbage” Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters. “boiled cabbage” Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical...
by GA Russell
Sun Mar 25, 2018 12:15 am
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

The chairman of the board of our company called me into his office to tell me the good news. I was being promoted to Vice President of Corporate Research and Planning. Of course, I was excited, but that didn't stop me from asking for my new title to be changed to Vice President of Corporate Planning...
by GA Russell
Mon Mar 19, 2018 10:06 pm
Forum: The Gentlemen's Parlor
Topic: Joke of the Day
Replies: 771
Views: 94633

Re: Joke of the Day

A student at a management school came up to a pretty girl and hugged her without any warning.

The surprised girl said, “What was that?”

The guy smiled at her, “Direct marketing!”

The girl slapped him soundly.

“What was that?!” said the boy, holding his cheek.

“Customer feedback.”