SMF

Having children gives your life purpose. Right now, my purpose is to get some sleep.

Great to see you again, Gene!

*****

The cable repairman was on my street, and asked me what time it was.

I told him it is between 1:00 pm and 4:00 pm.

I've seen some good English jokes! ***** A bin man (garbage man) is doing his rounds in the posh area of town. He can’t find one house’s wheely bin, so he rings the doorbell, and a well-dressed lady answers. “Where’s yer bin?” he asks “Oh, thank you for noticing, we’ve just got back from the Algarve...

Here is another English joke. (These English jokes are probably old news to Clive.) ***** A family have a parrot, and after many years, it dies. The wife is distraught, and after a few days, goes to the pet store to get another. The store owner proudly shows off this wonderful colourful specimen, sa...

I hope everyone enjoyed his Easter! ***** Manny is almost 29 years old. His friends have already gotten married, but Manny still just dates and dates. Finally, a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits ...

One day, a man was dragged to the movie theatre by his wife who wanted to watch a romantic comedy. Half an hour into the film, the man felt a nudge in his elbow. "What an outrage," his wife murmured to him. "The person sitting in front of us is sleeping!" the woman said, clearly ...

In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which...

Another English joke. ***** A four year old girl befriends a group of builders who are working on a house next door to hers. The builders fall in love with her because she is so cute. They give her a bit of sand to play with so she can pretend she is mixing cement. At lunchtime they let her have lun...

John and Ed, those are great!

A man with suspected Chinese virus is lying in a hospital bed with a face mask on, waiting to be seen. A beautiful young trainee nurse comes to give the man a bed bath. The man asks, “Are my testicles black?" The nurse replies, “I'm here to give you a bed bath" The man asks again slightly ...

At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child. "Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.' "But think about that for...

Happy Spring! This is apparently an English joke. ***** These laws are not scientifically proven, not theoretically reasonable and not professionally endorsed, but they are irrefutably true. O'brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one y...

Some of these make my head hurt! ***** How did a fool and his money get together? Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If it's to...

A diner at a country inn is shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in syrup." He summons a waiter to complain. The waiter looks at the menu. Then he flings it down and yells to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into Fr...

Fact of Life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, pop...

The room was full of pregnant women and their husbands, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan. The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exerci...

Said the FBI agent to the bank teller after the bank was robbed for the third time by the same bandit: "Did you notice anything special about the man?"

"Yes, he seemed better dressed each time!"

Gary, after 5+ years, are the scents of your soaps holding on?

LOL Murray and Brian!

*****

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.