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Joke of the Day

Feel free to post anything unrelated to wet shaving or men's grooming (I.e. cars, watches, pens, leather goods. You know, the finer things of life).

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby fallingwickets » Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:02 am

:D :D
de gustibus non est disputandum
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby desertbadger » Thu Aug 24, 2017 7:10 am

=D> :lol:
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby brothers » Sun Aug 27, 2017 8:43 pm

I like it Russ! :D
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Mon Aug 28, 2017 8:16 am

A husband and wife were traveling by car from Key West to Boston.

After almost 24 hours on the road, they’re felt too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.

They stopped at a nice hotel and took a room, but they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350.

When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

“But we didn’t use them,” the man complains. “Well, they are here, and you could have,” explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. “The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” the Manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” complains the man again. “Well, we have them, and you could have,” the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. “But sir,” he says, “this check is only made out for $100.”

“That’s right,” says the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.”

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the Manager.

“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby brothers » Wed Aug 30, 2017 12:41 pm

Note: I take no credit for the following. It comes from the SMF archives and was originally posted by the late SMF member Gramps. I think it's funny, and I hope you do also. :D Enjoy . . . .

Gramps wrote:Scenario:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine
travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car
and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground
level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also travelling at the
same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

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--

Answer:

Get off the children's Merry Go Round, you're pissed.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Thu Aug 31, 2017 10:21 am

One day a Scotsman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf is a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years,” replies the Scotsman.

With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Och – in the name of the wee man is that good!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of good scotch?” she asks him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, “Ten years.” She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, “'Tis absolutely fantastic!”

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, “Oh, sweet -----! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too!”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby ShadowsDad » Thu Aug 31, 2017 11:28 am

Too funny! I enjoy this joke thread alot.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Tue Sep 12, 2017 8:43 pm

Thanks Brian!

A scout reported that he’d discovered a great pitcher. “In last night’s game,” he reported by phone to the manager, “he struck out all twenty-seven men on the other team. What’s more, he got all of them on three pitches, except for one guy who hit a foul.”

The manager said, “Get the name of the guy who hit the foul. We need hitters!”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby desertbadger » Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:05 pm

Good one, GA!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Thu Sep 14, 2017 6:34 pm

A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUSTN’T RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.

Much to her surprise (and dismay), she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you…you have no legs!”

The old man smiled, “Therefore, I cannot run around on you!”

She snorted, “You don’t have any arms either!”

Again, the old man smiled, “Therefore, I can never beat you!”

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, “Are you still good in bed???”

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,

“Rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby Squire » Fri Sep 15, 2017 10:09 am

The wheelchair guy is a classic.
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