Joke of the Day

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ShadowsDad
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Location: Central Maine

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:08 am

How do you milk sheep?
.
.
.
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.
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Come out with a new Iphone and charge $1000 for it.
Brian

Maker of Kramperts Finest Bay Rum and Frostbite http://www.krampertsfinest.com/
Or find it here: Italian Barber, West Coast Shaving, Barclay Crocker, The Old Town Shaving Company at Stats, Maggard Razors; Leavitt & Peirce, Harvard Square

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GA Russell
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Location: Raleigh, NC

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Wed Jul 03, 2019 12:34 am

This is another one that seems familiar. I'm glad you guys have short memories!

*****

An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your daughter to work Day'.

As they walked around the office she started crying and getting cranky.

Her father asked what was wrong.

As the staff gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
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Lijun badger
Gillette 1948-1950 Super Speed

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fallingwickets
Clive the Thumb
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by fallingwickets » Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:31 am

thanks a million for all the great jokes.......VERY much appreciated

clive
de gustibus non est disputandum

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ShadowsDad
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Location: Central Maine

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad » Thu Jul 04, 2019 11:12 am

ROTFLMAO!
Brian

Maker of Kramperts Finest Bay Rum and Frostbite http://www.krampertsfinest.com/
Or find it here: Italian Barber, West Coast Shaving, Barclay Crocker, The Old Town Shaving Company at Stats, Maggard Razors; Leavitt & Peirce, Harvard Square

brothers
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Location: Oklahoma City USA

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Thu Jul 04, 2019 12:17 pm

Bring in the Clowns! Good one!
Gary

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kronos9
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by kronos9 » Sun Jul 07, 2019 12:14 pm

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.

One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer."

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop."Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady."You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden.

It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know.

Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?'

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.

Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck!

Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."
Ed

brothers
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Location: Oklahoma City USA

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Tue Jul 09, 2019 4:10 pm

I apologize in advance if you've already seen or heard this one. Maybe you'll enjoy it. :D

You might need a new lawyer if:
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
5. During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
6. He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
7. A prison guard is shaving your head.
8. Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
9. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
10. He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
11. He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said ..."
12. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
13. Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
14. Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
15. The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25 PM."
16. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
17. He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/lawyerjokes/you ... njoke.html
Gary

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GA Russell
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Location: Raleigh, NC

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Thu Jul 11, 2019 2:58 pm

Gary, you really hit the jackpot with that one!

*****

My mother is sixty, and her whole life she only slept with one guy. She won't tell me who.
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
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brothers
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Wed Jul 17, 2019 5:15 pm

Someone we know is vacationing in Scandinavia and messaged us with their progress. Here's a joke they passed on, and I'm sure most everyone's already heard it a hundred times, but here it is: Today we have completed actually living the joke. When you are trying to get to the bathroom you are Russian. When you are in the bathroom European. When you are done you are Finnish.
Gary

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fallingwickets
Clive the Thumb
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by fallingwickets » Thu Jul 18, 2019 3:44 am

gary's on a roll :D :D :D

clive
de gustibus non est disputandum

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GA Russell
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Location: Raleigh, NC

Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Thu Jul 18, 2019 8:52 am

Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.

Client: Well, give me the bad news first.

Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene.

Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?

Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
Fitness
Lijun badger
Gillette 1948-1950 Super Speed

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