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Joke of the Day

Feel free to post anything unrelated to wet shaving or men's grooming (I.e. cars, watches, pens, leather goods. You know, the finer things of life).

Re: Joke of the Day

Postby brothers » Thu Jun 15, 2017 2:08 am

Are these the same characters whose grizzly old mug shots we see on the local news when they get arrested for random felonies ---
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby ShadowsDad » Thu Jun 15, 2017 5:16 am

It's amazing how much one can learn about getting along with the wife on this forum! This should be a first stop for newlywed males! :^o
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:45 am

A cab driver picked up a nun. She got into the cab, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her.

She asked him why he was staring. He replied: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answered, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

“Well, let’s see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single, and No. 2, you must be Catholic,” she responded.

The cab driver, very excited, said, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK,” the nun said. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfilled his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”

“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun said, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby kronos9 » Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:39 am

Just glad I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I read this.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby ShadowsDad » Tue Jun 20, 2017 10:38 am

Ed, I thought the same thing when I read it. But you posted.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby ThePossum » Thu Jun 22, 2017 6:49 pm

That is one of the best jokes you have posted. Read it to my wife and she just howled with laughter. We've been married 45 yrs and are past that stage in life. Doing repairs ourselves, not the sex or even baking pies. :D
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:32 am

Thanks guys!

*****

A couple's house was plagued by an invasion of flies in hot weather. After the husband went around with a fly swatter, his wife asked him whether he managed to kill any.

"Yes," he said. "Four males and two females."

"How can you tell?" she asked.

"Four were on a beer can and two were on the phone."
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Fri Jun 30, 2017 9:26 am

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying, and father stork is trying to calm him. “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest. The baby stork is crying, and mother is saying, “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork’s parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

The baby stork says, “Nowhere. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby CMur12 » Fri Jun 30, 2017 11:35 am

That's a good one, Russ, as are the others.

In Latin cultures - at least those that speak Spanish and Portuguese - parents who tell their children about the "stork" are telling them about the "birds and the bees" in our parlance.

- Murray
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby brothers » Sun Jul 02, 2017 1:16 pm

These are some good ones! (I'm asking myself if it's possible that the current generation is so uninformed that they don't even know about the stork and it has to be explained to them? We're probably in a lot of trouble!)
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby brothers » Mon Jul 10, 2017 4:36 pm

My wife told me this one --- A brunette went to the doctor and complained "There's something terribly wrong with me. There is terrible excruciating pain no matter which part of my body I touch." The doctor asked her to demonstrate and sure enough, no matter what she touched, she cried out in pain. He thought about it for a while, then he said, are you naturally a brunette? She said, "No, I'm really a blonde." He said, "I knew it! You have a broken finger!"
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Sun Jul 30, 2017 8:10 pm

The barber's client looked depressed, so the barber told him, "Cheer up. I knew a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn't pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff's edge."

"Incredible," said the client. "Who were these kind people?"

"The passengers on the bus."
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Mon Aug 07, 2017 3:02 pm

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband — who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.”

She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. “I cant wear your trousers,” she said.

“That’s right," said the husband, “and don’t you ever forget it. I’m the man who wears the pants in this family.”

With that she flipped him her panties and said, “Try these on.”

He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. “Hell,” he said. "I can't get into your panties!”

She replied, “That’s right, and that’s the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes.”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby desertbadger » Tue Aug 08, 2017 2:57 pm

A stern and loud mouthed woman with two young childen in tow entered Wal Mart all the while yelling and admonishing the children to behave themselves. When she saw the Wal Mart greeter standing a few feet away with a shocked look on his face she rudely asked him if he was an idiot or just stupid. The greeter politely responded that he was not an idiot nor was he stupid. He said I just can't believe you got laid twice.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby brothers » Fri Aug 11, 2017 8:52 am

Russ and David, you guys both made me laugh. Thanks for these!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby GA Russell » Sun Aug 20, 2017 4:54 pm

Q: How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

A: Eclipse it.



Q: What kind of underwear should you wear during an eclipse?

A: Fruit of the Moon!



Q: How do you organize an eclipse party?

A: You planet.



Q: What day is the eclipse happening?

A: Not sure. Either Sunday or Moonday.



Q: Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?

A: It’s a little meteor.



Q: What did the moon bring to the beach on Aug. 21?

A: Sunblock.



Q: Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

A: The food is great, but there's just no atmosphere.


Boy: Dad, can you tell me what an eclipse is?

Dad: No sun.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Postby ShadowsDad » Sun Aug 20, 2017 9:35 pm

:-)
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