Joke of the Day

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brothers
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:20 pm

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Will Rogers
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad » Wed Dec 12, 2018 9:46 pm

:D

OK, I'd be the 4th person who would be a blend of the first 2. But I'd most enjoy observing the 2nd and never experience it for myself. It would be like licking the flagpole. Nothing I'd want to do but I would enjoy seeing someone else show me what it's all about.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Thu Dec 13, 2018 9:33 am

I'm sure someone is bound to try it and make a video. Probably hilarious when it happens to someone else!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by CMur12 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 6:18 pm

There's nothing like learning from experience!

Good one. That sounds like something Will Rogers would have said.

- Murray
Give me Soap or give me death!

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Wed Dec 26, 2018 1:51 pm

Famous last words in Las Vegas --- give me the money I told you not to give me.

Milton Berle
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Tue Jan 08, 2019 12:20 pm

One of those Christmas songs says, “You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout.” How’s my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Tue Feb 12, 2019 6:59 pm

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by CMur12 » Tue Feb 12, 2019 7:47 pm

Good to see you, Russ.

- Murray
Give me Soap or give me death!

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by fallingwickets » Wed Feb 13, 2019 6:42 am

+17 thumbs up on the sentiment
de gustibus non est disputandum

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Wed Feb 13, 2019 11:48 am

Good one Russ!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad » Wed Feb 13, 2019 3:02 pm

That was too funny! I'm still laughing!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Thu Feb 14, 2019 4:14 pm

Thanks very much, guys!

*****

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

"I'm the one you want," the man replied. "At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:00 pm

I remember seeing Tony Randall discuss this concept with David Letterman. He said that for every famous shibboleth there is another one that says the opposite.

*****

Actions speak louder than words.
vs
The pen is mightier than the sword.

Look before you leap.
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He who hesitates is lost.

Many hands make light work.
vs
Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Clothes make the man.
vs
Don't judge a book by its cover.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
vs
Better safe than sorry.

The bigger, the better.
vs
The best things come in small packages.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
vs
Out of sight, out of mind.

What will be, will be.
vs
Life is what you make it.

Cross your bridges when you come to them.
vs
Forewarned is forearmed.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
vs
One man's meat is another man's poison.

With age comes wisdom.
vs
Out of the mouths of babes come all wise sayings.

The more, the merrier.
vs
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Sat Feb 16, 2019 2:10 pm

Something to think about. These seem to be of assistance in justifying both/either sides of one's decisions. Depending on the desired outcome.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Sat Feb 16, 2019 3:13 pm

So a well-dressed gentleman of a certain age walks into a bar.

Seated at the bar is a fine-looking lady also of a certain age. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, ‘So tell me, Good Looking, do I come here often?'
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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Sat Feb 16, 2019 8:49 pm

LOL, Gary!

*****

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb a–hole’, is it?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by drmoss_ca » Sun Feb 17, 2019 5:36 am

GA Russell wrote:
Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:00 pm
I remember seeing Tony Randall discuss this concept with David Letterman. He said that for every famous shibboleth there is another one that says the opposite.

*****
(snip)
If you like proverbs, you'll enjoy this story: The Proverbial Murder Mystery.
"Je n'ai pas besoin de cette hypothèse."
Pierre-Simon de Laplace

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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Sun Feb 17, 2019 11:47 am

Thanks! I'll read that tonight.

*****

Thoughts To Ponder

How do "please keep off the grass" signs get there?

Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Sun Feb 17, 2019 2:53 pm

Chris, I laughed so hard I had tears, cursing the darkness. Thank you for that.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by CMur12 » Sun Feb 17, 2019 9:33 pm

GA Russell wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 11:47 am
Thanks! I'll read that tonight.

*****

Thoughts To Ponder

How do "please keep off the grass" signs get there?

Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
Russ, this is why any kid with a sense of self-preservation answers, "Why did you do it?", with "I don't know."

- Murray
Give me Soap or give me death!

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