1. Cut up some bacon, real or fake, into small pieces.
2. Crush 2 or 3 cloves of garlic with the side of a knife blade. Fry them in a pan with olive oil or butter.
3. Cook pasta in boiling water until al dente. Any plain pasta will do, or even a stuffed tortellini.
4. While pasta cooks, fry bacon with the garlic until crispy (but not too carbonara!). Discard the garlic cloves.
5. Crack three eggs into a bowl, whisk up with some half and half cream and some black pepper. Mix in some shredded cheese (cheddar, mozarella, whatever you have). Don't be tempted to add salt; there's bacon in this dish.
6. Add the pasta to the bacon in the frying pan, and toss around. Take off the heat.
7. Add the whisked eggs and mix in. We want the eggs and cream to make a sauce, not to solidify into scrambled eggs, so keep the pan off the heat and add the odd teaspoon of pasta water as needed to keep things liquid. Keep tossing until all salmonella organisms are dead, but the eggs still aren't solidified.
8. Serve into warmed shallow bowls. Garnish with grated parmesan, more black pepper and some parsley or cilantro.
Accept compliments gracefully and pretend you do this kind of thing all the time.
Chris
