Joke of the Day

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
Will Rogers
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad »

:D

OK, I'd be the 4th person who would be a blend of the first 2. But I'd most enjoy observing the 2nd and never experience it for myself. It would be like licking the flagpole. Nothing I'd want to do but I would enjoy seeing someone else show me what it's all about.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

I'm sure someone is bound to try it and make a video. Probably hilarious when it happens to someone else!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by CMur12 »

There's nothing like learning from experience!

Good one. That sounds like something Will Rogers would have said.

- Murray
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

Famous last words in Las Vegas --- give me the money I told you not to give me.

Milton Berle
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

One of those Christmas songs says, “You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout.” How’s my wife going to get along?
Milton Berle
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell »

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me, and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreo's, a pot of coffee, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines, and a box of Godiva Chocolates.

You have no idea how good I feel.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by CMur12 »

Good to see you, Russ.

- Murray
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by fallingwickets »

+17 thumbs up on the sentiment
de gustibus non est disputandum
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

Good one Russ!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad »

That was too funny! I'm still laughing!
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell »

Thanks very much, guys!

*****

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

"I'm the one you want," the man replied. "At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
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Re: Joke of the Day

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I remember seeing Tony Randall discuss this concept with David Letterman. He said that for every famous shibboleth there is another one that says the opposite.

*****

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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

Something to think about. These seem to be of assistance in justifying both/either sides of one's decisions. Depending on the desired outcome.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

So a well-dressed gentleman of a certain age walks into a bar.

Seated at the bar is a fine-looking lady also of a certain age. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, ‘So tell me, Good Looking, do I come here often?'
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell »

LOL, Gary!

*****

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

“Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?”

The little boy nodded yes.

“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?”

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, “And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not good sportsmanship to call your coach ‘a dumb a–hole’, is it?”

Again the little boy nodded.

“Good,” said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by drmoss_ca »

GA Russell wrote: Fri Feb 15, 2019 7:00 pm I remember seeing Tony Randall discuss this concept with David Letterman. He said that for every famous shibboleth there is another one that says the opposite.

*****
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If you like proverbs, you'll enjoy this story: The Proverbial Murder Mystery.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell »

Thanks! I'll read that tonight.

*****

Thoughts To Ponder

How do "please keep off the grass" signs get there?

Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers »

Chris, I laughed so hard I had tears, cursing the darkness. Thank you for that.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by CMur12 »

GA Russell wrote: Sun Feb 17, 2019 11:47 am Thanks! I'll read that tonight.

*****

Thoughts To Ponder

How do "please keep off the grass" signs get there?

Who shuts the door when the bus driver gets off?

If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?
Russ, this is why any kid with a sense of self-preservation answers, "Why did you do it?", with "I don't know."

- Murray
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