Joke of the Day

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Rufus
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by Rufus » Sat Feb 29, 2020 10:09 am

Bryan

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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Sun Mar 01, 2020 11:00 am

For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie.

After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. As he handed the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I went to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents."

"Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself this evening. We have sound now."
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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Mon Mar 02, 2020 9:59 am

Fact of Life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Wed Mar 04, 2020 1:12 am

A diner at a country inn is shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in syrup." He summons a waiter to complain.

The waiter looks at the menu. Then he flings it down and yells to the owner in the kitchen, "Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!"
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ShadowsDad
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad » Wed Mar 04, 2020 6:45 am

:D

There is truth in that GA Russell, as there is in much humor. There was a menu item at a fancy NYC restaurant decades ago called "musquash" or some such. They used the Indian name because not many people knew that it translated to muskrat. At least that's the story I heard many years ago. Folks liked it.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by brothers » Wed Mar 04, 2020 6:11 pm

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction! :D
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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Tue Mar 10, 2020 1:11 pm

Some of these make my head hurt!

*****

How did a fool and his money get together?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?
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John Rose
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by John Rose » Tue Mar 10, 2020 7:52 pm

Fixed it for ya...
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GA Russell
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:17 am

Happy Spring!

This is apparently an English joke.

*****

These laws are not scientifically proven, not theoretically reasonable and not professionally endorsed, but they are irrefutably true.

O'brien's Variation Law:
If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Cannon's Karmic Law:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.

Kovac's Conundrum:
When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged one.

Owen's Law:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Bell's theorem:
When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Ruby's principle of close encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Willoughby's Law:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by GA Russell » Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:03 am

At the pre-birth class for couples who'd already had at least one child the instructor raised the question of how to break the news to an older child.

"Some parents tell the older child, 'We love you so much that we decided to bring another child into our family.'

"But think about that for a second. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife'?"

One of the women spoke up, "Does she cook?"
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ShadowsDad
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Re: Joke of the Day

Post by ShadowsDad » Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:24 pm

I'm screwed, I do most of the cooking.
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