Joke of the Day
Re: Joke of the Day
The mailman does seem to get around! That was a good one.
As for the second joke about mono-lingual English speakers, I'm afraid that is sadly too true.
- Murray
As for the second joke about mono-lingual English speakers, I'm afraid that is sadly too true.
- Murray
Re: Joke of the Day
Why don't monsters eat clowns?
They taste funny!
They taste funny!
Gary
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Re: Joke of the Day
If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?
Gary
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- GA Russell
- Posts: 3070
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:15 pm
- Location: Raleigh, NC
Re: Joke of the Day
Thanks, Gary!
*****
I went to my local bookstore, and asked the owner for Trump’s new book on illegal immigration.
He said, “Get the hell out and don’t come back.”
I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”
*****
I went to my local bookstore, and asked the owner for Trump’s new book on illegal immigration.
He said, “Get the hell out and don’t come back.”
I said, “Yes, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
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Re: Joke of the Day
Gary
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- fallingwickets
- Clive the Thumb
- Posts: 8813
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:59 am
Re: Joke of the Day
Two hats on the rack having a conversation ---
"You hang around. I'm going on ahead."
"You hang around. I'm going on ahead."
Gary
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- fallingwickets
- Clive the Thumb
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Re: Joke of the Day
"Smiles" is the longest word in English.
Re: Joke of the Day
Tom, welcome to SMF! It took me a few moments to figure that one out.
Gary
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- GA Russell
- Posts: 3070
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:15 pm
- Location: Raleigh, NC
Re: Joke of the Day
A man was in a terrible accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, and $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
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- fallingwickets
- Clive the Thumb
- Posts: 8813
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:59 am
Re: Joke of the Day
How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Gary
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- fallingwickets
- Clive the Thumb
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- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:59 am
Re: Joke of the Day
good one Gary only made funnier by the fact that my dog has decided, out of the blue, that every squirrel must be chased up a tree...she has turned into a total nutcase
clive
clive
de gustibus non est disputandum
Re: Joke of the Day
Clive, as the saying goes, fact is stranger than fiction. I like that dog!
Gary
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- GA Russell
- Posts: 3070
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:15 pm
- Location: Raleigh, NC
Re: Joke of the Day
Two men are walking a doberman and a chihuahua when they see a restaurant.
They're pretty hungry, so they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says, "NO DOGS ALLOWED."
The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.
The waiter tells him "I'm sorry sir, we don't allow dogs here." The man says "Oh, you don't understand. I'm blind and this is my guide dog."
"A doberman for a guide dog?" The waiter asks, skeptical.
"Yes." The man replies. "Dobermans are very loyal. They're easy to train and protective too. They're born for the job."
The waiter sighs and leads the man to a table.
The second man, excited by this idea, throws on his sunglasses and walks in.
The waiter tells him "I'm sorry sir, we don't allow dogs here." The man says "Oh, you don't understand. I'm blind and this is my guide dog."
"A chihuahua for a guide dog?" The waiter asks.
"A chihuahua?" The man asks. "They gave me a chihuahua?!?"
They're pretty hungry, so they decide to head in for a bite to eat. Unfortunately, they see a sign out front that says, "NO DOGS ALLOWED."
The man with the doberman says "I know what to do, just follow my lead." He throws on a pair of sunglasses and walks in.
The waiter tells him "I'm sorry sir, we don't allow dogs here." The man says "Oh, you don't understand. I'm blind and this is my guide dog."
"A doberman for a guide dog?" The waiter asks, skeptical.
"Yes." The man replies. "Dobermans are very loyal. They're easy to train and protective too. They're born for the job."
The waiter sighs and leads the man to a table.
The second man, excited by this idea, throws on his sunglasses and walks in.
The waiter tells him "I'm sorry sir, we don't allow dogs here." The man says "Oh, you don't understand. I'm blind and this is my guide dog."
"A chihuahua for a guide dog?" The waiter asks.
"A chihuahua?" The man asks. "They gave me a chihuahua?!?"
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
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Gillette 1948-1950 Super Speed
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Re: Joke of the Day
This is a good one! Made me laugh. So did my wife.
Gary
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- GA Russell
- Posts: 3070
- Joined: Fri Apr 11, 2008 10:15 pm
- Location: Raleigh, NC
Re: Joke of the Day
Gary, I hope she likes this one!
*****
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply, and we will have the proof we need to nail him."
*****
A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.
"Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer.
"But it's only $500," replied the man.
"Precisely. That's what he will reply, and we will have the proof we need to nail him."
Rapira Swedish Supersteel
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Lijun badger
Gillette 1948-1950 Super Speed
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Re: Joke of the Day
It is a clever move in the game, but I'd never tell a client to mail an intentionally false demand for an amount exceeding what is owed and threatening to take action to get it. Prosecutors get excited about mail fraud and or extortion (and particularly are enraged by lawyers - soon to be disbarred - who encourage and participate in the scheme)! Yes, the letter is the proof, but not against the debtor.
Gary
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- ThePossum
- Posts: 1802
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Re: Joke of the Day
QUEEN Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven. Unfortunately, there's
only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go
to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be
able to see them every day, for eternity". The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of
her purse and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in". Dolly is outraged and
asked, "What was that all about, I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you
explain that to me"? "Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".
only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go
to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be
able to see them every day, for eternity". The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of
her purse and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever. The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in". Dolly is outraged and
asked, "What was that all about, I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you
explain that to me"? "Sorry, Dolly says the Angel, but even in Heaven A Royal Flush Beats a Pair No Matter How Big They Are".