SMF

7 thumbs up....poor dolly

clive

That was good.

Reminds of the tagline one of the plumbers around here uses: A flush beats a full house.

Chris

What’s the difference between Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras? Mardi Gras is an all-night party in New Orleans, Fat Tuesday is who you wake up with the morning after!

What do you call a hamburger covered in beads? A French Quarter pounder.

How do you know you went to Mardi Gras?
A1: You wake up on a sidewalk and the only things in your pants pockets are your car keys and a court summons.
A2: You wake up and discover a Tattoo of "Beignets Rule" on your ass.

What's the problem with jogging during Mardi Gras? The ice falls out of your drinks!

Legitimate source: http://jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/mardig ... jokes.html

"I can't believe we're still giving clothing as a gift. Cause whenever you get clothing as a present, you always open it up and you think, 'Not even close.' And the person that gives it is always like, 'You can take it back if you don't like it.' 'That's alright. I'll just throw it out.' Don't give me an errand."
Jim Gaffigan

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life… unless I buy something."
Jackie Mason

"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
George Carlin

"Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don't let Kevin Bacon die."
Bill Murray

Thanks for some new jokes, Gary.

I would have to say that the first one almost makes me sad. It's so mean-spirited.

The second one is funny when I imagine Jackie Mason delivering it.

The third seeks to be humorous based on irony or sarcasm, but it portrays such a cruel situation that the humor eludes me.

The fourth one is the best. I think it's clever and funny!

- Murray

PS. My critiques apply to the comedian sources of these jokes, not to you.

Murray, your reactions are pretty much identical to mine, when I came across these and made sure to provide the names of the people who said them. I wonder about the context and the reactions of the audience at the time, as well as the character and the motivation of the people who made these statements. Food for thought.

1. There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)

2. What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

3. Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

4. What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

5. Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

There are some clever ones there, Gary. I especially like the first one, and there is nothing there to challenge anyone's sensibilities.

- Murray

PS. We haven't heard from Russ for awhile, so I hope he's doing well.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

Where does a boat go when it’s sick? To the dock!

Doctor: “Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?” Patient: “What pills?”

How do you know you have a great CPA? He has a tax loophole named after him.

Want to hear a joke about sodium? Na.

Do these protons make my mass look big?

A proton checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs help with luggage? “No, I’m traveling light”.

Most common - Last Words: "oh crap! That didn't work!"

Amy Pohler:

Stop whining about getting old. It’s a privilege. A lot of people who are dead wish they were still alive.

Telling me to relax or smile when I’m angry is like bringing a birthday cake into an ape sanctuary. You’re just asking to get your nose and genitals bitten off.

Bill Hicks:

I'm so tired. I need my sleep. I make no bones about it. I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night. . .

I have never seen two people on pot get in a fight because it's impossible. "Hey, buddy!" "Hey, what?" "Ummmmmmm...." End of argument.

Gary, I especially like the one about the birthday cake in an ape sanctuary.

It's also a really good simile for truly poor advice.

- Murray

The brain has 2 parts, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.". . . "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?" . . The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

And now it's time to say - What does Arrivederci mean literally?

goodbye

No jokes here for a while, Gary. Some of these are pretty good!

Thanks.

- Murray

Biggest joke of the day / week / month / year are the Brooklyn Nets and Mr. K.D.

thanks for the smiles Gary....my two favs

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

brothers wrote: ↑Mon Apr 25, 2022 7:06 am Biggest joke of the day / week / month / year are the Brooklyn Nets and Mr. K.D.

Let's add J.H. the beard (Philly 76ers) to the dayweekmonthyear JOTD. Such a terrible performance implies a willful intent. One of the network analysts called for an investigation.